Friendship

I work with my family and this is awesome because I love them dearly and I’m very close with them all.  It’s so fun to be able to see my Grandpa every day and I’m blessed to have him in my life.  He knows me well—he can look at me and he can tell how I’m feeling in that moment.  It’s like he knows my thoughts.  I must have had a certain expression on my face this morning because he looked at me for a long moment, got a mischievous twinkle in his eye and then said something that made me burst out laughing.  He said exactly what I needed to hear in that moment to lighten my mood.  I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him.  Grandpa is a true friend to me, as is my mom and dad, Grandma, brother, my uncle, aunt and my little cousins.  And I started reflecting on why this was since I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship over the last few months.  

I’ve come to realize a lot of things over the years about friends and what makes a friend a true friend.  A true friend loves unconditionally.  A true friend is loyal.  A true friend is intuitive and doesn’t take advantage of you or manipulate you in any way.  A true friend doesn’t betray you.  A true friend respects you for everything you are and doesn’t try to change you—encourage you to be a better person, yes, but not try to manipulate and twist you into something you aren’t.  A true friend listens.  A true friend wants the best for you, always, and is a positive influence in your life.  A true friend isn’t jealous of you.  Of course we all have tendencies to be a little envious of our friends sometimes.  That’s just human nature.  We all experience the kind of wistful envy of wanting what the other has.  When I experience that wistful envy I allow myself the fleeting thought and then I make the effort to move past it.  I’ve known people who did not move past the envy and allowed the green monster to fester.  If envy is allowed to fester in one friend, that friendship becomes infected.  How can you be a true friend if the friendship is tainted?  I don’t think it’s possible.  You can make all the effort in the world to be a good friend to that person but if there is jealousy festering in the other person then you can’t call them a friend.  You just can’t.  Eventually the jealousy will dominate and that person will end up making the conscious decision to hurt you in different ways.  When this happens they are no longer giving you the respect you deserve.  I’m not saying that jealousy and disrespect are always linked, but most of the time these two things are closely intertwined. 

It is a person’s actions that show you who they are as a friend, not their words.  They can say that they are your friend, but you’ll know by the way they treat you whether it’s true or not.  Then, knowing what you know, it’s up to you whether you’re going to keep them in your life or acknowledge that the friendship has run its course and then slowly let it fade away.

Knowing what I know, I’m making the best effort I can to be a true friend.

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